What is the deal with the leeches, people? Is this really the best medicine in all situations? If I come to the doctor with a demon possession and explosive diarrhea caused by this demon possession, I can understand… but if I fall off my horse and break my leg, I’m not thinking leeches are… the… pre-scrip- tion… for… ME. I’m thinking, I don’t know… crutches?
Oh, and the horses… we have gone overboard with horses, haven’t we? I mean, do they need the whole set of drapes to wear into battle? Is that really a horse’s concern at that time? “Hey, I don’t mind the swords and maces twirling around my head with deadly force, just don’t send me out there with a naked back. If I’m gonna be stabbed, at least let me do it in the latest horse-style.” I think it’s a little more likely they’re thinking “Hey, it’s not enough I gotta haul this guy around with his metal suit poking me, but I have to do it dressed like a fancy lad? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And why does he get to wear all of the protection? I get this flattened spoon to wear on my nose and that’s it. I’m the one that needs the armor. He’s wearing me for protection.” That’s what they’re thinking!
Has everyone seen the new castle? Impressive building. It’s a safe building. Big, thick stone walls… dozens of archers posts, big cauldens to boil oil in to dump on attackers, centennials on guard everywhere… And a moat. A moat. A big circle of water. Is this really a deterrent? Are there hordes of savages ready to attack our people saying “I’m not so much concerned about the hot oil, the guards with their giants swords, or the hundreds of arrows that are sure to rain down on us. We just gotta figure some way to get across water.” “How about swimming?” “Too obvious… they’ll be expecting it.”
Courting’s tough, isn’t it? You know what the problem is with courting, don’t you? Men and women approach it differently. Men are like knights, ready for action at a moments notice, always armed, always comparing the latest conquests with past ones. Whereas women, they’re…well, they’re wicked and shouldn’t be heard to speak in public.
And every time my wench does my laundry, she loses a hose!
